Just Cos

 

I did trigonometry on the beach because I wanted to be a tanned gent (tangent). Unfortunately I stayed too long and got sin burnt.

By Cheesecake Bobby

From the show broadcast on 28th May 2011

11 notes

Barely Legal

Which American company made the small chocolate peanut butter piece most enjoyed by the star of ‘Legally Blonde’ and with which eating utensil does she coose to consume them?

Reese With A Spoon

By Jeremy Walmsley

From the show broadcast on 28th May 2011

5 notes

Old

 

What did Gary Numan want to be when he grew up?

Gary Oldman.

By Andy Bellamy’s wife Hannah

From the show broadcast on 21st May 2011

18 notes

I’d Like To Seymour Of This Calibre

 

What is the correct protocol when entering a room occupied by one of the wives of Henry VIII?

Just amble in (Ann Boleyn)

By Tom Storer from Cheltenham

From the show broadcast on 21st May 2011

20 notes

Croak

What advice did the frog give to the condom manufacturer?

Rib it.

By the Tullow Family

From the show broadcast on 21st May 2011

9 notes

Gluton Intolerance

Why did the coeliac disease sufferer eat loads of breads? 

Because he was a gluton for punishment.

By Chris and Jane

From the show broadcast on 7th May 2011

4 notes

Geology

What was the stupid basalt happier than the clever limestone?

Because igneous is bliss.

By Chris and Jane

From the show broadcast on 7th May 2011

3 notes

Watertight

What did Commander Tom ‘Stinger’ Jordan from Top Gun say to the Englishman when he saw Lewis Collins chasing a food critic travelling on top of Emil Zatopek?

Your Egon’s riding Czechs your Bodie can’t catch.

(Emil Zatopek was a very good Czech runner who, I believe, even when weighed down by the heft of food critic Egon Ronay would still be more than a match for television and film actor Lewis collins whose most famous role was as William Bodie in the hit late 70s and early 80s show The Professionals. Even though food critic Egon Ronay was Hungarian born, he lived the majority of his life in the UK and produced most of his seminal work there. Therefore it would be correct for the American Commander Jordan to refer to both Ronay and Collins as ‘yours’ to the Englishman to whom he is speaking. It’s watertight)

By Andrew Tate from Durham, North Carolina

From the show broadcast on 7th May 2011

1 note

Mahatma Poppins

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his bad diet he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis.

By B.C.

From the show broadcast on 7th May 2011

26 notes

Sandi

Which ‘Call My Bluff’ presenter has recently discovered the secret language of a small Mediterranean fruit?

Sandi Talksfig

By Sally Field from Sheffield

From the show broadcast on 7th May 2011

3 notes

No More Potter

No more Potter jokes you say?

Hagrid. (Agreed)

By Mike from Sheffield

From the show broadcast on 7th May 2011

2 notes

Your Lot

"Waiter, waiter, could I have some more of these small, sweet tasting onions?"

"Sorry sir, that’s shallot"

By Matt Horner from Auckland

 From the show broadcast on 16th April 2011

5 notes

Sailor Man

What does Popeye have for breakfast?

Egg egg egg egg egg egg egg…

By Matt Hodson

 From the show broadcast on 16th April 2011

4 notes

Snooze

 This morning the strangest thing happened. I got out of bed and started walking round the flat making small talk with various pieces of furniture.

Turns out on my alarm I’d pressed the schmooze button…

By Graeme

 From the show broadcast on 16th April 2011

4 notes

Baggins

 

I walked past a hairy footed little man yesterday who was going to throw bread at me. I said, “Don’t throw dough.” (throw dough/Frodo)

By Steve Moore

 From the show broadcast on 16th April 2011

7 notes